If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
