Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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