Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just threw up on my dentist
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
