my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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