Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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