y did u give ur computer a hand job?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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