Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
