Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
