My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
