If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
