I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
