last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
