My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
