She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
