The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
