It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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