Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
