someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
