I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
