I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
