i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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