We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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