no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
