there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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