so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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