Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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