I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
