I want to make a zoo with you.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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