How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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