My first STD was from a foam party
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
