I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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