i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
