I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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