I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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