I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
