I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
