My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
