New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
