apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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