2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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