Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
