I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
