Duck Duck Cougar?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
