Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
