Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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