oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
