Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
