Farmville is her only friend.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
