Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
