I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
