Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
